Step into fullness

As you may know, I recently moved to Virginia. I've been here a little over three months and it's been a wild ride. A few weeks ago I had an epiphany. To do my job well, I had to stick my hand in a toilet full of poopy water and remove all the paper in order to flush it. Now I know what you all may be thinking. Gross! I was ready to quit. Sorry it didn't work out Lord. I'm going back to Oregon. As I forced back the tears and swallowed my pride I realized some truth. I made it out to be a lot worse than it actually was. This could be a defining moment in my walk with the Lord. If I'm not willing to get messy, literally, what's the point of getting messy, internally. Why would I ask the Father to change me from the inside out if I can't open my eyes to what's right in front of me.

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. 

And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

Esther 4:14

Now I know I'm no queen but I get to be royalty because my Father is the King. If I quit now, how can I expect growth? Anybody can do this job but "Here I am Lord, send me." I want to be here. All in. 

"And since then, I have been wandering to find him and my happiness is so great that it even weakens me like a wound. And this is the marvel of marvels, that he called me Beloved, me who am but as a dog." 

The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis

As I ponder this journey I'm on, I can't help but think of who I used to be. The life I used to live seemed more simpler, more whole. I want to appreciate the journey. The mountains I've climbed while growing closer to the Father have drawn me into the fullness of who He created me to be. Lord I need you more than yesterday. While sometimes I feel empty, I know only you can fill that void.

"Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise;

apply your heart to what I teach,

for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart

and have all of them ready on your lips.

So that your trust may be in the Lord,"

Proverbs 22:17-19a

Thank you that I get to be here. Thank you for hardship for the sake of growth. You are constant, truth, forever. Open my eyes to see your heart.

Overwhelmed by love.

Lately I find myself trying to comprehend what this last year and a half of life has been. What is life? It is ultimately unfathomable. I am very fortunate to have been able to live here for as long as I have. Many people dream to be here for even a week and I got 78. Those were beautiful, hard, challenging, growing, tearful, joyful, bewildering, and long weeks. The Lord was in all of them. But how am I supposed to begin to process what He has done in me because of this place and the people who inhabit here. Man, are they great! I feel like this community represents the Kingdom well. They are constantly dependent on each other due to the beautiful fact that Jesus is moving here, and partially because the nearest block of society is an hour’s drive. This place has a deep canyon that can hold many burdens and is full of great things to take away. It has forever changed my life.

Knowing that I am the same person but my heart has changed makes me fearful for what is to come; afraid of reverting to my old habits for starters. If I am able to grasp but a hint of this heart change every day, then I can remember there is hope. The Lord is hope. Recall from my last post in January, that I have been figuring out how to grasp my emotions. While I still hate talking about them, they hold truth and beauty when I allow myself to feel. They can also represent fear and darkness but that’s when I learn to call upon love and rely on the people God has so divinely placed in my life. He is showing me that as I love, in return I am loved. Life is not about the décor on your walls, the clothing you wear, the food you eat or the job you do. It is about the people; those who love you and tell you so.

“ If everything comes down to love, then just what am I afraid of. When I call out your name, something inside awakes in my soul. How quickly I forget I am yours.”

Hope Now by Addison Road

As I transition into this next season, pray with me that I would never cling to what I know but rather whole heartedly keep my hands open for His grasp to guide me. 

"For out of His fullness (abundance) we have all received [all had a share and were all supplied with] one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift. John 1:16 AMP

Blessings upon blessings, Kaila

feelings and emotions. do they really exist?

Recently I have come to realize that I am quite good at hiding my feelings. It is something I have been struggling with for probably the last five years. I have told myself that I had to be strong for everyone else in my life. My feelings became unimportant and unnecessary. I no longer want to live in this lifestyle because it is forcing me to be stuck in my ways. It is becoming difficult and hard moving forward and getting closer with people because I neglect to go deeper in expressing my feelings. 

I don't even know where to go with all this but I know that if I don't start somewhere then I will struggle with relationships forever. It is going to be a hard journey but luckily I live with wonderful people who want to help me overcome this obstacle. Thank you Jesus for this community that can walk with me through this adventure. God help me to let people help me. 

Mission Statement: disregard the spelling. :)

Admitting demands honesty.
Admitting requires a ruthless assessment of your condition.
Admitting is what happens when you've hit the wall,
when you have no energy left to pretend,
when you're done playing games,
when you no longer care what other people think,
when you've come to the end of yourself,
when you're ready to embrace the truth that you need help, and that on your own you're in serious trouble because you've made a mess of things.
-Rob Bell

So lay down your burdens, lay down your shame
All who are broken, lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home, you're not too far
So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
Come as you are
-David Crowder

I am fully FUNDED!

Hallelujah and Praise the Lord.

I have all the money pledged or in the bank to be completely financially supported for this year long internship program. Can I get an amen?

Tomorrow marks the end of our first month. Wow a month in and it feels like we have been together for so long which maybe adds a little sweetness to the mix. These people are gentle, loving, hilarious, interesting, unique, and like a box of chocolates. You just never know what we'll come up with.

We all look a little ghostly but here's our team!

Our first month has consisted of much irregularity as far as a schedule goes but that doesn't make it any less exciting. We've had a retreat, an ice cream social, some training, a few weekend adventures (every weekend), more training, inspiring worship and lovely fellowship. 

These people (our group of twelve and all our neighbors) are making my life. They help me live in the present. I get to discover who I was made to be, by taking things one day at a time. When you can take a step back and catch your breath, you realize how beautiful life can be. Yes things are hard and there is always bad in the world. But if you can learn to trust Jesus you will see the beautiful things. 

The lovely Andrew and Sarah Hartenstein.

I got to live at their house a few times.

Such blessings.

sunrise from Communication Hill.

fall at the ranch.

the harvest party!

solitude time at Pine Forest.

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? 

I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.

Jeremiah 17:7-10

Live at the Creeksides.

     How can I put this summer into words? I find it easier to avoid thinking about it and hard to be still before the Lord. Imagine that. I know it is quite surprising but I think I don't want summer to end. Coincidentally today is the first day of fall and there was a thunderstorm. We have been having these all summer but now throw in crisp mornings and leaves changing colors, that makes it pretty difficult to deny the natural changes occurring around here. 

     The hustle and bustle has slowed to almost nothing. Staff are making up comp time with family vacations and it seems as the world may be standing still for but a brief moment. Can you picture that? Every time I get on Facebook I am reminded that life out there continues to move on. Despite popular belief, the Ranch isn't always in "go" mode. Summer is our Prime Time. We train all year to have a three month long marathon. Now is the time to rest. Now is the time to ponder and process. Now is the time to be still.

     That being said, I have been trying to do just this. Be still. I am trying to reflect on who I was going into this summer, who I was during and who I have become. Obviously trying to inform you on every little thing is not the best use of your time or mine so I will just say this. Many things happened and were experienced. This has been one of the most challenging summers I have ever had but that doesn't mean it wasn't great. I cried almost daily because I was trying to comprehend just how blessed I am. 

     I am learning to surrender daily my pride, selfishness, and desire to do everything myself. I am learning patience and grace. I am learning that being present is the only solution to find joy. I am learning that bad stuff happens and letting it define you won't get you anywhere. I am learning that Jesus wants an active, present relationship with us.

     Here is to the start of twelve more months (yes 12!) of taking advantage of this place. Here is to diving in wholeheartedly because I don't want to miss anything it has to offer. I will continue to be removed from Facebook because I don't want to spend my time in the outside world when I have a very present one to be part of. 

     If you need to reach me write me a letter: Kaila Gibson, PO Box 220, Antelope, OR, 97001. Or send me an email: kaila.gibson08@gmail.com. Either will suffice to check in, share some encouragement or even a little financial support. (Checks can be made out to Young Life. Insert plug here.) Until you hear from me again, take some time to Be Still. Enjoy the life you live because it's the only one you get.

Tiles

Every week middle schoolers who commit their 

lives to Christ place a tile in our sluice box. 

The Painted Hills

Wagner Mountain

The highest point on the Ranch.

The lovely ladies from my small group.

The last Luau together.

Fauxhawk

When my family came to visit.

"Just like love, 

submission is not something you can do, 

especially not on your own. 

Apart from my life inside of you, 

you can't submit to anyone else in your life." 

William P. Young

His Goodness Knows No Bounds.

"Pull me a little closer,

Take me a little deeper,

I want to know your heart.

I want to know your heart.

Cause your love is so much sweeter,

Than anything I've tasted.

I want to know your heart.

I want to know your heart."

- Closer, Bethel Music

This season in my life is about learning that I am where I need to be. It may not be where I want to be but I am confident in the Lord's plan for this journey. I cannot even begin to fathom how amazing this opportunity is but I know it is preparing me further to become more like Jesus to glorify His Kingdom.

So what am I even talking about you ask? I will be living in Antelope, Oregon for the next 18 months. From April 1, 2014 until October 1, 2015 I will be serving as an intern at Young Life's Washington Family Ranch. It is hard to say exactly what I will be doing but I can say that it will be awesome. Currently, I have witnessed such joy from watching the people live life out here because they genuinely love what they do. It definitely helps that it is beautiful here and generally sunny but it is rare to experience joy like this in most developed countries.

Sometimes it is hard to receive this blessing because I know so many others want this more than me. I can count so many of my sisters who I thought were more deserving than I but comparing our lives only brings us down. They are on a different journey for a very good reason and it will only be explainable when we walk through the golden gates, or maybe a year later when we can see what God was doing during that season. The point is, I am but a vessel, trying to take in and learn as much as I can in the time I have to be part of this community. I want to take full advantage of this place but not take it for granted.

If you feel called to support me financially on this journey feel free to contact me about that option. I need about $350/month of support for a year starting October 1st. If you cannot support financially I completely understand; having people pray for me is more than a blessing and it is my deepest desire to have a team of prayer warriors encouraging me spiritually. Take some time to pray about it and wait on the Lord to see what he would have you do in terms of supporting me financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc.

I know this post is a little scatter-brained and for that I appologize but I am thankful the Lord is bigger and will make impotant things stick out. I will leave you with these few verses and one last comment from me. I am going to be deactivating my cell phone, facebook and instagram for a time being. I am reachable at kaila.gibson08@gmail.com and at PO Box 220, Antelope, OR, 97001. I would love to hear your thoughts and encouragement, or about what is going on in your life. Thanks for your time and to God be the glory!

 

14 The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, "Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west. 15 All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever. 16 I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. 17 Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you." Genesis 13: 14-17

 

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded of you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28: 19-20

 

purpose.

We strive our whole lives to follow God's purpose, to do what we were made to do, etc.

But why?

God is never going to show us the big picture. Sure He will share glimpses with us and pieces of the puzzle but we are not created to know all. That is God's job. We are created to do and follow blindly, faithfully, and diligently after the one who made us.

Our job is to continue pursuing Him so our joy may be made complete. 

Why do I want to know God's will for my life when I can hardly fathom what he is doing in my life?

All we can do is keep pressing into Him and one day at a time He will continue leading and guiding us to glorify Him.

Just a little food for thought.