Overwhelmed by love.

Lately I find myself trying to comprehend what this last year and a half of life has been. What is life? It is ultimately unfathomable. I am very fortunate to have been able to live here for as long as I have. Many people dream to be here for even a week and I got 78. Those were beautiful, hard, challenging, growing, tearful, joyful, bewildering, and long weeks. The Lord was in all of them. But how am I supposed to begin to process what He has done in me because of this place and the people who inhabit here. Man, are they great! I feel like this community represents the Kingdom well. They are constantly dependent on each other due to the beautiful fact that Jesus is moving here, and partially because the nearest block of society is an hour’s drive. This place has a deep canyon that can hold many burdens and is full of great things to take away. It has forever changed my life.

Knowing that I am the same person but my heart has changed makes me fearful for what is to come; afraid of reverting to my old habits for starters. If I am able to grasp but a hint of this heart change every day, then I can remember there is hope. The Lord is hope. Recall from my last post in January, that I have been figuring out how to grasp my emotions. While I still hate talking about them, they hold truth and beauty when I allow myself to feel. They can also represent fear and darkness but that’s when I learn to call upon love and rely on the people God has so divinely placed in my life. He is showing me that as I love, in return I am loved. Life is not about the décor on your walls, the clothing you wear, the food you eat or the job you do. It is about the people; those who love you and tell you so.

“ If everything comes down to love, then just what am I afraid of. When I call out your name, something inside awakes in my soul. How quickly I forget I am yours.”

Hope Now by Addison Road

As I transition into this next season, pray with me that I would never cling to what I know but rather whole heartedly keep my hands open for His grasp to guide me. 

"For out of His fullness (abundance) we have all received [all had a share and were all supplied with] one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift. John 1:16 AMP

Blessings upon blessings, Kaila

feelings and emotions. do they really exist?

Recently I have come to realize that I am quite good at hiding my feelings. It is something I have been struggling with for probably the last five years. I have told myself that I had to be strong for everyone else in my life. My feelings became unimportant and unnecessary. I no longer want to live in this lifestyle because it is forcing me to be stuck in my ways. It is becoming difficult and hard moving forward and getting closer with people because I neglect to go deeper in expressing my feelings. 

I don't even know where to go with all this but I know that if I don't start somewhere then I will struggle with relationships forever. It is going to be a hard journey but luckily I live with wonderful people who want to help me overcome this obstacle. Thank you Jesus for this community that can walk with me through this adventure. God help me to let people help me. 

Mission Statement: disregard the spelling. :)

Admitting demands honesty.
Admitting requires a ruthless assessment of your condition.
Admitting is what happens when you've hit the wall,
when you have no energy left to pretend,
when you're done playing games,
when you no longer care what other people think,
when you've come to the end of yourself,
when you're ready to embrace the truth that you need help, and that on your own you're in serious trouble because you've made a mess of things.
-Rob Bell

So lay down your burdens, lay down your shame
All who are broken, lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home, you're not too far
So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
Come as you are
-David Crowder