Abba, I love you.

Hearing the words, "Abba, Father," over and over again I can't help but think about my daddy and how much I miss him. I know God is my Father but calling him Daddy, Abba is a hard concept to grasp. It should be easier since I don't have an earthly father anymore but I know my dad loved me so much, I can't think of how anyone can love my more. A vision has been spoken over me and I'm wearing a pretty dress. I am just running at my Abba. It sounds so easy and joyful but it's so hard to believe that He is just standing there with open arms and I don't have to do anything to receive His love.

And God is funny because the next song He wants me to hear is "How He loves". Now I have wrestled with this song time and time again. God loves me. I know that but I barely believe it. My head says love is earned. It is  something that Jesus paid for us to receive FREELY! So why don't I get it? Everytime I hear this song, my heart races to feel His love. We are a tree whipping back and forth and His love is the wind all around us. Wow, Kaila. Is what I always think. He loves me so much that He died an awful death to show me. 

This used to be my favorite time of year. The holidays were a time with family to be celebrated, decorations everywhere and joy fills the air for a whole month! The December 26th comes around and it's like the worst day of the year but I still loved that Christmas spirit people carried around. Now in my family from September to December, we all find this sulk to carry around. Wanna know why? Well first we let Satan into our minds to flash flood us with sad truth of life without our loved ones. Second because everyday is a reminder of something missing. Let me just break this down for you, September 27th- Michael's birthday, September 28th- Mom and Amanda's birthday, October 12th- Michael and Amanda's wedding anniversary, October 24th- Caleb's birthday, November 6th- Logan's birthday, November 12th- Holly's birthday, November 22nd- parent's anniversary, November 29th- Dad's birthday, December 19th- anniversary of Michael's death. Did I leave anything out? This is now a new crazy time of year.

I'm not saying that I'm currently depressed or anything. Just a little saddened by the way Christmas and this time of year used to be. And not that I don't love the family I still have here because believe me, they mean the world to me, it's just hard to remember those not here anymore.

I know Jesus is my Father and wants me to call Him, Daddy, but it's hard to think about my daddy not being here. He's here in my heart but just to have a hug from him. Someday right?! We can rejoice in the fact that he's in Heaven looking down on us, cheering for the ducks, waiting for us to join him. I love you, Daddy. Can't wait to join that party up there! Thanks for reading. :]

and God's love still goes on.

Sometimes I'm good at forgetting how big our God is when problems cloud my head. Today in Jesus Calling I read about the importance of not trying to solve your problems because we just aren't capable of it. While this is true, I still fail to do so. I often think, "Woe is me" and dwell in my own self pity while forgetting that God is still there loving me and waiting for me to turn back to Him so His glory can shine through it all. Of course this transformation cannot happen overnight but I like to think that each day gets a little better than the previous day but sometimes I take three steps backwards.

Recently I've been trying to refrain from becoming stressed about everything. I know that in the end it doesn't matter what grade I got on my paper or in my class or my gpa at the end of my college education. What matters is that I was glorifying God and turning towards Him in times of stress. It also doesn't matter what last minute decisions I make about who I should spend my time with, what words of anger or love come out of my mouth, how I let people treat me, or where money to buy food and pay bills is going to come from if I am not turning towards Him. 

God has shown me time and time again that all I need is Him. Why is it so hard to learn? Why can't it just be something at the fore front of my brain every morning when I wake up and every time I'm faced with a trial. Luckily, I am able to quickly remember that I am human. If this was an easy fix, I should probably be concerned. Constantly learning a lesson in life is a good way to remember I'm human and that God is bigger and He is taking care of my life. He's got the whole world in His hands. If the earth were the size of a golf ball, well basically it is but He still cares about each of us as if there were one of us.

Update: job interview on Tuesday (God is providing finances). applying for YWAM Africa and maybe YL Camp Intern in January (God is providing for my future). fun plans for winter break (God is providing time to relax and love on me). surrounded by Women of God and Sisters in  Christ who can pray for me at the drop of a hat (God is always good). 30 days of thankful complete and I am proud to accept the challenge of doing it for the next 305 days!

Thanks for reading! May God reveal to you all the ways He blesses you constantly this Christmas season.

summer and september.

creekside keepers and the golden glove award.

the beautiful camp.

lovin them work crew kids.

these girls.

always come back to the cross.

miner block party with my summer staff family.

     These are the people I spent nearly a month with. I apologize for not writing about my adventure sooner, it's been almost a month since I got back, but boy was it an adventure. God brought me so much joy from sharing my story and growing together with these people through Him. Being raw and real is something truly valuable and quite rare in life. So when you get the opportunity, don't take it lightly. God works through you better when you are weak and allow yourself to realize how powerful He is and wants to use you. He is teaching me how to be loved, not only by Jesus but by people and the real reason we are on this earth. I know life is a journey and it is most definitely a long one but God is going to be with me on it for the rest of eternity and that is the hope that keeps me going.

     Recently, I have been growing closer to my roommates and that has brought me so much joy. More than I could ever ask for. Jesus is definitely blessing me with women, which He has done my whole life and I am always in awe of how He works in my life. 

we've been busy baking.

     Now that fall is quickly approaching I have taken up a babysitting job, well nannying is a better term, where I watch two girls before and after school for about 30 hours a week. Adjusting to this has been a little challenging, luckily I don't have anything else going on but I know this is going to be a much different lifestyle than I have had in the past. Not only are these girls testing me because it's what kids do, but I am learning how to love them and make good choices about the way I act around them. Kind of feeling like a mother/older sister is something new because I spend so much time with these girls. I know God is going to use something out of it and it's totally a blessing because I needed a job, and I love working with kids. 

a ladybug we found.

she built a stable out of legos.

      You have now been updated on my summer and it has come full circle because school starts in a week. Sorry it took so long, but here it is! I hope you enjoyed the pictures, what's new in your life? Thanks for reading, Kaila

here we go!

and we are off to see what the Father will do!
last post, sayonara, see you in a month.
if you really need to get a hold of me, you can write me a letter here:


Washington Family Ranch - Creekside Summer Staff 3rd session, Kaila Gibson
One Muddy Rd PO Box 220
Antelope, OR 97001


blessings to you for the month of august!

it's almost here!

     In about 6 days I will be on my way out here for a month! It is such a blessing to be able to escape reality and the 'real' world to go to this place. You all know it, Washington Family Ranch. Blue skies, crazy kids, and college students to fill you up and give you new brothers and sisters to appreciate. I am eagerly awaiting this time to serve and grow closer to my kids. 
     Lauren, Colin and I are taking 12 little ones, middle school some going into high school status. While this time is going to be exhausting, non-stop crazy and highly emotional, I have felt God place this on my heart since November and while it hasn't always been easy to trust Him, I know He is going to do wonders beyond my imagination. He never fails us and is always good to do what He says He's going to do, in a much better way of course. If you recall from my latest posts, please continue praying for us as we embark in the 6 hour bus ride with over 60 students. Oh the joys! To hear their laughter hopefully will keep us sane. 
     I will post again before I leave. Ta, ta for now. Where has the Lord brought you this summer? Thanks for reading. :]

home, sweet home.

Fourth Parade!

Fireworks!!

Moving...joys.

     After returning home from China, it took quite some time to get used to the time adjustment. None of my other trips were this way so I was really surprised at how tired I had felt for a four days. Once I was adjusted, it was time to begin packing the boxes. Two of my friends were able to come down and lend their strong muscles for the duration of a few hours. One of them had a suburban so we loaded the puppy right up with my furniture and a load or two of boxes. It was the greatest thing.
     I now live at 587 Catron, a block closer to 99, and there is air conditioning! Well still the heat finds its way in but with this place not being in direct sunlight it can go a long way. Unfortunately I still have to walk upstairs. I am excited to see the adventure God is taking me on and this time He has given me to relax is nothing short of perfection.
     Since being back, I have learned many things about myself and one being very obvious is the fact that I HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF!! If I ever live on my own, I have enough for about 10 people to be over using my kitchen stuff with extras, I'm sure. I have also learned to appreciate the lack of humidity we have here and rain is a great thing, though sparse in the summers.
     About two weeks until I will be on a bus towards camp, so keep our 12 campers and 3 leaders in your prayers please! After those 5 days, I will stay out there and work in housekeeping for three weeks to return home August 22. I am so overjoyed to be around these kiddos and serve more middle school students by cleaning their rooms. God has definitely blessed me with many things.
     Looking towards the upcoming school year, I may have an opportunity to babysit two girls before and after school so prayers about that would be terrific. It is also possible that I may be on Student Staff with Young Life where friends and family support you in the expenses needed for Clubs and such throughout the year. This would be a great opportunity to learn more about Young Life and the possibility of being on Staff someday after college. Since the application deadline has passed, our area leader would need to approve this to happen and who knows what will go down while I'm out at camp. 
     Please keep our kids, my family, and what the Lord is doing in my life in your prayers. If you would like to be mailed my newsletter to be sent out in the next few weeks, send me your email address at kgibson08@wou.edu

     Thanks for reading. :]

Jet lag is winning.

heading to China!!

squatty potties as we called them; 
you place your feet on the grooves and squat, 
and sometimes there were no doors.

one of the buildings
at the Emperor's Palace,
now called the Forbidden City.

crammed on a train.

Terra Cotta Warriors!!!

riding bicycles like the locals.

ping pong tables.

of course I bought some nutella.

gotta love the translations.

dragon fruit anyone?

she brought me joy, baby Bethany.

 

    I selected a few photos to capture some of the things I experienced on my journey. It is hard to some it up in words but these pictures don't do it justice either. God is definitely moving in China and we were blessed to be witnesses by it. Please continue to pray for the people we encountered or those who merely saw Jesus shinning through us. There is much to be done but He surely isn't finished.

    In Beijing we mostly were tourists around the city. We saw Tian'anmen Square, The Forbidden City, walked a ton and got to experience the subway and bus transportation systems. From there we took the train to Xi'an. A 14 hour mode of travel in which we hardly slept but had a great time singing, laughing, and being thankful we actually had seats and food. The morning of the 21st we got McDonald's to re-engerize before seeing the Terra Cotta Warriors. The next few days were spent meeting college students and establishing relationships with locals and foreign missionaries. We had the opportunity to hear their vision from the Father and it was incredibly inspiring. Following Xi'an, we flew to Nanchang on the 25th and helped some children with their English. This school is led by Christian's who could use your prayers to allow the Father to work and reach their students lives. They tell everyone they meet their story and are not afraid to show it. This is the future people; embrace it.

     Now that I am home, I find myself quite emotional from lack of sleep, which brings exhaustion and unawareness about the time. Thank goodness it is summer cause God has lots to do and I have lots of free time! Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks for reading. :]

the time has arrived.

The next two weeks will consist of me being surrounded by these people. And 20 million others. I will be in China!! I cannot believe the day is finally here and I have never been so excited for anything in my whole life. I am just waiting to die of heat stroke, or feel like it. But I know the LORD is going to use this time for His glory and that is all that matters.

Keep this group in your prayers as we will surely need it. 11 and a baby! Gloria and Mike are our leaders, their baby Bethany, Elizabeth, Jacob, Elani, Jennifer, Megan, Victoria, Xiao, and Rick. We are surely in for a ride!

That's all for now, might not be able to post until I return but keep checking.
Little interesting fact, Facebook is illegal so that could only mean so much for this website. Love to you all!

slacker.

I know I don't write very often and I try not to read other people's post too often because it makes me a really good procrastinator! But I thought I would share with a few of you my upcoming adventures for the summer.

In about 6 weeks I will be in another country! That's right I'm outta here. But not for too long so have no fear. I am going to China and though I am slightly frightened, I know amazing things are going to be done there. Mostly we are going to be helping the Chinese students improve their English and teach them how to make coffee, the 'American' way. Our team consists of three HS students, four college students, three adults and a baby. Our team has diversity! 

When I return home from China I will be heading over to eastern Oregon, Antelope to be exact, and taking my middle school Wyldlife students to camp for a week. Later that day, I will begin working in Housekeeping for the next month and having the time of my life serving more middle school students. 

I feel blessed to be able to serve in different places this summer and God is gonna do great things from it all, in my heart and the hearts of those I meet. Prayers would be great in my endeavors to serve and allow God to change me to be more like Him. If you feel called to donate money, let me know. 


May you be blessed in your summer travels as you glorify the LORD!

Chocolate Cheesecake.

Ingredients:

3 TBS butter or margarine, melted

1 package graham cracker crumbs

1 TBS granulated sugar

1 C milk, scalded (2.5 min in microwave)

12 oz chocolate chips, 2 C

8 oz cream cheese, softened

2 eggs

1 t vanilla

Step 1:

Combine first three ingredients and pour into a spring-form pan. Using a paper towel, evenly spread the ingredients to form the crust. Refrigerate for 15 minutes.

Step 2:

In a blender combine the remaining ingredients. Depending on the pan, double the recipe. Mixture should be creamy and easily pourable. (is that a word?) Add the mixture to the refrigerated crust. If you double the filling, make sure to pour the first batch in, (unless you have a large blender).

Step 3:

Wait. You can eat the cheesecake anywhere from 4-8 hours, depending on your refrigerator temperature. I usually make this the night before or in the morning so it's ready for dinner. Cheesecake is done when you can see popped bubbles.

Step 4:

Enjoy!!

Pretzel Bites.

Ingredients:

Bag of Pretzel's, not sticks

Bag of Hershey's kisses

Bag of m&ms

Step 1:

Set oven to 350

Place parchment paper on baking sheet and line with pretzels

Unwrap kisses, one kiss per pretzel

Step 2: 

Place in oven for 3 min max!! (this definitely depends on your oven but you want the kisses to be glossy, not burnt)

Step 3: 

Remove from oven and place an m&m on each kiss/pretzel combo

Step 4:

Enjoy and eat them all by yourself cause they're delicious!

Also it's fun to make up your own combos of chocolate.

lost.

What is going on in this world? I feel like lately I have been one step behind everyone.

The month didn't exactly start out ideal with my first chiropractor appointment I began the weekend really sore. I got the opportunity to head to Eugene for the evening to catch up with some friends I met while studying abroad over the summer in Argentina. I was so excited to see them for the night then head back home to Monmouth to get homework done. Now that I look back I can't even remember what I would have been working on but it sure is irrelevant now. Late Friday night our ride down left to go to another friends' house and I stayed at the first friend's house where we were supposed to stay the night. A second friend we drove down with left to go to a bar with one of her friends in the area. That left me and the final girl we drove down with. There were so many people in the location we decided to stay in and I was tired so I decided to bring her to my mom's and feel more comfortable for the night than staying in an unfamiliar place. So glad I stayed at my mom's because as I was getting ready to head to school, my world unraveled.

Jim had called me from upstairs suggesting I check on mom. Her breathing was really slowed but with the sounds of snores still coming from her I assumed she was still sleeping. When nothing we did would wake her up and her whole body was limp, we decided to call 911. Within a few hours they told us that she had overdosed on Valium and there was so much in her system keeping her sedated she needed to have a respirator put in. The next time I saw her I could barely stand because seeing someone on life support is unimaginable and not something I enjoyed.

The next few days were awful of waiting around, tears, confusion, and anger all in the air. There was hardly a time when I wasn't updating facebook, making phone calls, or sending out mass prayer texts. My mom, the one person I expected to be my foundation and only person who loved me more than anything had tried to take her own life. Once she finally awoke, she was placed on suicide watch and within a few days moved to the psychiatric unit, this place not being new to our family. She went through classes, daily counseling and doctors appointments to understand what had happened and where to go from this low point.

It would be easy to say, even a blessing, if my mom had gotten better over night. Over this last month I have learned more about my mom than I knew in my whole life from my grandma and aunt telling me they weren't surprised this happened. My mother has had a life altering wake up call experience and her ground shaken down to the roots. People have said that she needs to figure out what went wrong down to the roots of her childhood. No one can find the answers except for her. She has to make the decision to dig deep and search out answers in order for some change to happen. God can guide her and hold her hand but she will only be moved if she wants to. If she makes the conscious choice of voicing a desire for change. Does my mom want to change? I can only hope.

For me, life is never going to be the same and the trust I had between my mom and I is to the point of seams and the grace and forgiveness of Jesus holding us together. I don't know what it is that I can do to help my mom or myself. There is nothing I can say that will make the situation better or go away. I can tell my mom I love her and I do but I don't really like her right now. There is nothing in me holding back from having an in my face fear of her succeeding at this again. Knowing that my mom wanted to hide her pain from me is an understatement of life. I want to cry out to God for answers but I don't know how to hear. I want to tell the world I need a hug a day and someone to check on me but I don't have the will. I want to yell at everyone who says life is hard and thinks they have it bad because I know someone has it worse than me. I want my dad to be here to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I want my sister to call me on the phone and say I love you sister and we are gonna get through this together. I want the sunshine to be present in my life and bring joy to people but I don't know how to find it.

If you're reading this, please have faith for me to know that God is holding me and taking care of the situation. I know that I am young and shouldn't be going through this and don't have to be strong or hold everyone together but I also know that I do. If I don't who will. If I don't how will people know God is bigger and is doing what I think I need to. How will people know that I'm terrified for tomorrow and don't want to face the day but that I keep going to be the strength that someday will be better than the last. God is gonna use me in some way that is so unimaginable but will bring glory to Him and that is all I can ask for.