Hearing the words, "Abba, Father," over and over again I can't help but think about my daddy and how much I miss him. I know God is my Father but calling him Daddy, Abba is a hard concept to grasp. It should be easier since I don't have an earthly father anymore but I know my dad loved me so much, I can't think of how anyone can love my more. A vision has been spoken over me and I'm wearing a pretty dress. I am just running at my Abba. It sounds so easy and joyful but it's so hard to believe that He is just standing there with open arms and I don't have to do anything to receive His love.
And God is funny because the next song He wants me to hear is "How He loves". Now I have wrestled with this song time and time again. God loves me. I know that but I barely believe it. My head says love is earned. It is something that Jesus paid for us to receive FREELY! So why don't I get it? Everytime I hear this song, my heart races to feel His love. We are a tree whipping back and forth and His love is the wind all around us. Wow, Kaila. Is what I always think. He loves me so much that He died an awful death to show me.
This used to be my favorite time of year. The holidays were a time with family to be celebrated, decorations everywhere and joy fills the air for a whole month! The December 26th comes around and it's like the worst day of the year but I still loved that Christmas spirit people carried around. Now in my family from September to December, we all find this sulk to carry around. Wanna know why? Well first we let Satan into our minds to flash flood us with sad truth of life without our loved ones. Second because everyday is a reminder of something missing. Let me just break this down for you, September 27th- Michael's birthday, September 28th- Mom and Amanda's birthday, October 12th- Michael and Amanda's wedding anniversary, October 24th- Caleb's birthday, November 6th- Logan's birthday, November 12th- Holly's birthday, November 22nd- parent's anniversary, November 29th- Dad's birthday, December 19th- anniversary of Michael's death. Did I leave anything out? This is now a new crazy time of year.
I'm not saying that I'm currently depressed or anything. Just a little saddened by the way Christmas and this time of year used to be. And not that I don't love the family I still have here because believe me, they mean the world to me, it's just hard to remember those not here anymore.
I know Jesus is my Father and wants me to call Him, Daddy, but it's hard to think about my daddy not being here. He's here in my heart but just to have a hug from him. Someday right?! We can rejoice in the fact that he's in Heaven looking down on us, cheering for the ducks, waiting for us to join him. I love you, Daddy. Can't wait to join that party up there! Thanks for reading. :]
No comments:
Post a Comment